Worth, Love, and Beauty

Like all girls, I’ve fallen into the same trap time and time again. Staring at my reflection in the mirror and tallying up the measly accomplishments in my life thinking, “You’re not worth that much,” and “You’re not that great.” I see my likeness in the looking glass and I take note of my pear shape that I loath, the hair that never wants to style the way I want to, my pale complexion that makes the dark circles under my eyes stand out, my gummy smile, and dry skin that I constantly have to moisturize. And then, listing my achievements and talents – that I don’t find very amusing – I think to myself, “If only you could be so great.”

We’ve all been there. You’re lying if you haven’t. At one point in time, even if just once in your life, you’ve been in the scene I’ve just described. No matter how many times we pull ourselves up, dust off our pants, and tell ourselves to suck it up and you’re better than this, we continue to habitually step off that cliff again.

It’s a curse, just as bad as Mother Nature’s monthly plagues.

You get to the point thinking prince charming doesn’t exist. He’s a fantasy in a Disney movie that you’ve watched over and over as you’ve sat on the couch in your favorite pj’s, with a heaping bowl of chocolate ice cream in your hand – guilty, I’ve been there. You feel neglected. Depressed. Nobody wants your mistakes. No amazing changes have happened in the world or people’s lives because of you.

I’ll be honest. I struggle with those thoughts daily. Since I’m spewing this mess of our inner lives for us to come clean about, I’ll go ahead and admit my guilt. Even now, in my adult life, married and owning my own home, I wake up to days where all I want to do is stay in bed and let the world fade out. I’m a very insecure person, my husband will vouch to this truth. I’ve struggled since high school believing in myself and what I am capable of doing. I constantly compare myself to others: how happy they are, how they glow with attractiveness, and that they got a job and I still haven’t, etc. And I get to the point thinking my life isn’t that important, I’m not worth much.

And while all of us drown in our misery, convincing ourselves that we’re not worth it, we’re not beautiful enough, not loveable enough, or whatever the case may be – we are telling ourselves second to the biggest lie on earth.

 (I say 2^nd because the 1^st being that people lie to themselves that Christ is not real, because indeed he is.)

How wrong I am. How wrong we all for thinking those things.

I am lovable. I am accomplished. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am powerful.

You are worthy! You are beautiful! You are loveable! You are powerful! You don’t need people to make you believe you are these things. SOMEONE already has found you to be everything he ever wanted.

Those imperfections staring at you in the mirror, make you believe that no man will find you beautiful. Wrong. Someone already has. He sees you SO beautiful that he couldn’t stand to have one so unique and lovely to not exist. In his eyes, you are gorgeous!

And I’m not talking about the feminist movement’s idea of powerful. I’m describing a power of inner change that can transform others around me. An inner beauty that can seep into the hearts of the ugly, morphing them to shine with radiance. We all have this capability – this superhero power to change the minds and hearts of others. We only need to believe in ourselves and unlock that gift.

We are loveable. Everyone is in their own unique way. We tally up those mistakes, counting them against us. No prince, man, or even dwarf would or could love us after all our mishaps. But what we fail to recognize is that someone already has proven to us his love, a love that is stronger than all sin and pain. He already slayed the dragon for us. He admires us, flaws and all, finding us to be so worthy that he gave up the ultimate sacrifice. He rescued us. Died for us, just so that we would be saved and rescued from our own demons. How can we say that no one would ever love us or find us worthy, when plainly someone already has.

So, don’t fall into that trap. Don’t lock yourself in that dungeon of self-pity and deceit. You hold a key to yourself that will unlock an abundance of confidence, grace, beauty, power, and worth. And if you don’t know what that key is let me share it with you: Christ.

He is the key to unlock your hidden radiance. 

Remember that your confidence in who you are can only be found in the One who made you to be who you are.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s easy to let yourself fall back into those crazy self-doubting thoughts again. But fight them, because each one of you is worth a love and power that was crazy enough to die for you. I say crazy, because to us it is crazy, but to Him, it makes perfect sense.

I end this rant with a video that inspired all of these thoughts. It’s wonderful and actually brought tears to my eyes as I heard the gentle, yet still powerful voice of the One who loves me, reminding me of how great I really am. 

Bumps In the Night

As of tomorrow it will be October. Since tomorrow starts the official countdown till Halloween I decided to share a bit of spooks and history today (thanks to my Mother’s idea). 

My family has always liked to spend lots of time together. One of our traditions has always been to visit the Smoky Mtns. and Dollywood, among other things. As a child, we would go for a day or weekend. Papa (my grandfather) would always drive his great big van, because he is of course the KING of the ROAD. My siblings and I would be piled in the back, Gigi (our grandmother) joining us.

After hiking or spending a glorious day riding thrill rides and gorging our bellies full with Smoky Mtn. fudge and other goodies, we were exhausted. And even though sleep beckoned us, we refused to give in; because the most anticipated part of our day was the drive back. In the hours long drive back home we were surrounded by darkness and the little beams of speeding lights outside, along with the looming shadows of the trees on the other side of the windows.

It was Gigi’s moment to transform into a Master storyteller. Weaving and retelling memorized folklore that had us clinging to each other as goosebumps crawled across our arms and the hair on the backs of our necks stood. Trust me – she was that good. Still is.

So let me share a bit of her stories.

The Golden Arm (our favorite)

There once was a man who married a woman who had only one good arm. Her other arm was solid gold. The man loved the golden arm more than his wife because he saw wealth in it. But the woman became sick and before she died she made it clear that she was to be buried with her golden arm. Finally, she did die and so she was buried with her arm. But her husband couldn’t bear to have something so valuable buried and not put to use. So he dug up the arm.

But that night, after crawling into bed with the lights out and the doors all locked, he heard a voice. A voice so quiet he had to strain to hear it call out in the distance, “Where’s my golden arm?” The man ignored the voice, blaming it on the wind.

But the next night, after he crawled into bed with the lights out and the doors locked, he heard the voice again. This time it was closer, just outside the front door on the porch. “Where’s my golden arm?” It was just a bad dream he told himself.

But the next night, after he crawled into bed with the lights out and the doors locked, he heard it again. And this time, the voice came from inside. It was downstairs and he could hear the footsteps crossing the floor. “Where’s my golden arm?” The stairs creaked as the footsteps crept up to his room. “Where’s my golden arm?” The door knob turned and the footsteps crossed the floor to his bed. The voice getting louder with each step. “Where’s my golden arm?”

As the voice seemed to be right next to his bed, it shouted, “Who’s got my golden arm…You got it!”

I did a little research. The Golden Arm is actually a popular folklore story that has been passed down in many variations for at least 200 years, but possibly even longer. Mark Twain was famously known for telling this story in his own variation during a reading tour in 1884-1885. He often featured his “Ghost Stories,” in which he would tell the story of the Golden Arm so enthusiastically that he would have the audience jumping and screaming in their seats.

Originally the folklore was created to teach listeners how to be respectful of the dead, and also, to not be greedy. No one is sure where the story originated. Many countries tell the ghost tale and each one has its own variation.

The Bell Witch Legend

Many years ago, there was a man named John Bell, who purchased some land to build a home for his family. After many years, he obtained more land, increasing his property and fields. John became a very respected man in the community, was an excellent father and husband, and a religious man. But he was also known to be a hard business man. He was always looking for ways to make a profit.

One day, while out in a field, John came across a strange looking animal. Shocked and frightened by the animal that had the body of a dog and the head of a rabbit, John shot at the creature. But it vanished. John Bell thought nothing of it for the rest of the day, until later that night, when he and his family began to hear strange “beating” sounds on the outside of their log cabin.

Each night the sounds returned, growing more frequent and louder. Bell and his sons always tried to catch the culprit, but they never found a soul.

More strange things began to occur. An invisible source began to yank the bed sheets off the sleeping family at night. More strange sounds, like gulping and lip smacking could be heard in their rooms. And finally, they began to hear whispering that resembled the voice of an old woman humming hymns. One daughter, Betsy, endured even more of the nightmare. Her hair would be pulled and she would wake with hand prints as if she had been beaten. One night, the voice returned and they questioned the whispering voice, asking for its name. It answered, “Kate.”

Years later, John finally died. The family discovered a small unidentified vile in the cupboard. After John’s death, the voice of “Kate” exclaimed, “I gave Ol’ Jack a big dose of the last night, which fixed him!”

The Bell Witch legend is one, if not the most, popular in America. The Bell family actually did exist. They resided in Adams, Tennessee and because of their “haunting,” Robertson county is frequented by tourist hoping to catch a glimpse of Kate – the Bell Witch. Records state that the pioneer family was tormented by the sinister witch between 1817 and 1821. The Bell family was not the only one to claim witness to the strange events. Others in the community visited the home during the haunting and reordered their experiences.

The full story is actually quite long. My grandmother has always told us a condensed version. But even so, the story is creepy and will make your arm hairs stand.

Whether or not the story is true, I think I’d rather stay far away from any and all evil. At one point in time, I might have been stupid enough to try to scare myself by visiting local “haunted” sites. However, with maturity, I think the lesson to be told is that evil should not be messed with. Ghost stories are one thing, but seeing them is another.

“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” – Matthew 18:20

What are some of your favorite spooky stories? Did you have anyone ever tell you folklore stories? Do you have a popular local folklore legend where you live?

Rebellious Heart Book Review

I by chance happened upon one of Jody Hedlund's books - The Preacher's Bride - at the library last year. Since opening that book, I have read all five of Jody's novels. And I can honestly say that each book left me wanting more; which can assuredly be said of her newest and sixth book, Rebellious Heart.

I can't sing enough praises for Rebellious Heart. Needless to say, it did not disappoint an avid reader like myself. Since I found out about her work in progress, I have been eagerly awaiting to get my hands on it, and finally I did. I sat down thinking, "Oh I'll just read a chapter or two since I have things to get done," - ha! No, one chapter turned to two, to three, to four...I couldn't put it down! Every page had me smiling and at the edge of my seat, hanging on every word as I truly felt like I connected with the characters and that I was a piece of the story.

I will do my best not to give any spoilers away...

Rebellious Heart is loosely based on the courtship of John and Abigail Adams. If the couple are anything like the fictitious characters Benjamin Ross and Susanna Smith, then they would indeed be intriguing to get to know.


Benjamin Ross, aka John Adams, is a young lawyer with high ambitions for both country and his career. What doesn't fit in his future plans is running into Susanna for the first time since she'd humiliated him in their youth. Ben believes Susanna too proud, but after forced time spent with her, he begins to discover a new and different side of the girl he remembered from years ago.


"Maybe he wasn't an important lawyer yet. Maybe he wasn't the perfect catch for a husband. But he was on his way. He was already beginning to make a name for himself. And if he worked hard enough, one day he'd be able to set up a practice in Boston.

He'd show her - he'd show everyone - that he wasn't a nobody."
 


Pss...Who knew that John Adams could really make a girl's heart flutter!

Susanna, the lovely Abigail Adams, is quite different from most other women. While other women are concerned with social affairs and finding husbands, all Susie longs for is to increase her mind and
help others in need. And thus so she admires Mr. Ross for his eloquent words and increased mind, but she also find him to be dangerous. Therefore, she must guard her heart, doing her best not to allow a sliver of affection penetrate for the man so notably found to be unworthy and ill-fitting by her mother. 


"Susanna peeked at Mr. Ross. Had he noticed his friend's pathetic enamoring of Mary.

As if sensing her question, Mr. Ross looked at her. An intensity within his eyes pierced beneath her polite facade. Did he recognize  her?

One of his brows cocked, and the corner of his lips arched into the beginning of a knowing grin. But it was the kind of smile devoid of any warmth. Rather, the half grin only seemed to turn his eyes into ice. 

So he did remember her and all the vain words she'd spoken."


Despite each others objections towards the other, Ben and Suzie are drawn to one another. And as friendship builds, sparks begin to fly. Of course, there is action - like we all know - Ben (John) is involved with a secret rebellion against the King of England and Susanna too has her own dangerous undertaking. With peril lurking around every corner, Ben and Susanna must learn to trust and rely on each other for help. And when the odds are against them - Susanna from a loyalist and wealthy family and Ben the rebel son of a farmer - can they fight, stand firm, and let their love blossom?

The book is a must read! Jody has done a wonderful job recreating the personalities and ventures of these two people through in-depth research, biographies, and the surviving letters of John and Abigail. In her Author's Note she explains how she condensed the four year courtship into novel form and what is fictional and what is real.

A quote in particular that I personally love from the Author's Note was Jody's statements about Abigail's last letter to John before they wed. It is said that in that particular letter, Abigail asked John to take all her belongings to her new home in Braintree, followed by: "And then, Sir, if you please, you may take me." Reading Abigail's words to John just made me laugh and love the couple that are so often admired for their loving marriage - it lasted over fifty years.

I encourage you to read Jody Hedlund's newest novel, Rebellious Heart. It is a book that will not disappoint and will have you searching the bookstore's shelves for her other works.

Visit Jody's website and learn more about her books!

Have you read any of Jody's books? Which is your favorite? What did you think about Rebellious Heart?